Recently I’ve become addicted to NPR’s “This I believe” essays. I love them. Each little essay takes five minutes to read and is packed with hope, clarity and gorgeous writing. Consider a few recent titles: “How to Refill an Empty Life”, “Tomorrow will be a better day”, “The Making of a Poem.” They’re so pretty, Daddy, I want one.
I decided to try and write my own. Why not, right? I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee, put on warm socks, locked my cats out of the den and opened up Word. How long was the screen blank? Long enough to finish my coffee, grab a cookie and find a pillow for my back. I tried again…and again. I decided to just jump in and just type. I could fix it later. But after typing, “I believe” I just sat there.
Turns out, I don’t believe anything. Maybe it’s my age, or maybe the mundane details of my life have eroded my insight, but I got nothing remotely NPR-worthy to surmise. In fact, I feel devoid of any strong beliefs right now. I’ve been actively trying to be tolerant, but in espousing tolerance have I become indifferent? Have my edges gotten so soft, they’re dull?
Ah, screw it. I’m not having any defining moments, just a lot of basically fine ones – which are less poignant, but less messy, so I believe I’ll take them.
Today I believe I’m a fat mess and too old to be considering a maxi dress from Old Navy. I believe I’m the only one who picks up after herself in my house. I believe American Idol sucks this season. I believe my kitchen floor hasn’t been washed in over a month. I believe no matter how many vegetables I cut up and place in my fridge, I will always push them aside to find the cookies. I believe a nap cures all.
I believe I’m done. Anyone else out there with beliefs? Do share: what do you believe?