Things are getting weird around me. At first there were a few isolated incidences, but enough of them have accumulated that I’m starting to notice a trend. I think something might be amuck.
Consider a small sampling –
At a birthday party, a mother from my daughter’s kindergarten class confided in me about her divorce. I barely know her. In fact, I’ve always dismissed her as kinda crazy. But she seemed to need someone to just listen, so I did. I learned that aside from being smart and strong-minded, she’s actually pretty cool.
My next door neighbor is recovering from an illness and is pretty weak. In an unusual move, I offered to walk her dog. I don’t like dogs, especially hers. It barks and jumps and pees on my daylilies. But she said yes, and so now every afternoon, the beast and I troll the neighborhood. I haven’t miraculously turned into a dog-person or anything, but I have to admit, it’s been kind of nice.
Then there’s this perennial bed near the elementary school that has been neglected for at least ten years. It’s an overgrown mess. For some reason, after walking the beast, I decided I couldn’t look at it any more. I packed my wheel barrel with a spade, rake and pruners and spent the next three afternoons clearing debris, pruning rosebushes and pulling out thistle.
Finally, after years of my piano gathering dust, I’ve started playing again. I remember my mom playing Moonlight Sonata, and now I find myself playing it while my girls do their homework. Sometimes my youngest will wander over and sit by me while I play.
These are all small things with nothing particularly strange about them. But strung together, I’ve felt an awareness that something within me is deepening. I know that when you do things for others, you feel better yourself. But this is more than that. It’s like my days are taking on a sort of richness. Previously empty spaces are filling in with new friends, rosebushes and Beethoven.
Of course, I can’t escape being me. I’m still self-involved, cranky and whiny (see post below). But something is subtly shifting. I don’t want to get all crazy and claim to be happy. But lately, I’ve had glimpses…
6 thoughts on “Could it Be?”
I loved this post!
Maybe there’s still hope for me:)
You betcha there is.
Careful there. If you aren’t cautious you could end up getting out of your own head. And then what would we do?
Seriously, I have been in your spot I don’t know how many times. I think sometimes we need to go into hibernation for a bit, but then you need to allow yourself to come out of it. Just accept this season for what it is and see where it brings you.
I know. If I get too happy, I’d have to start a new blog…and who would want to read that? Guess I’d better take it easy.
Of course you can be happy now, your house is clean! I think the things you are doing are very cool. Grab those sunny days when you feel up to it and go. Gardening, for me, is very therapeutic. One time on vacation I was feeling unusually down. So I weeded and pruned their front sign/flower area of our hotel. They thought I was CRAZY.
That IS crazy…but I love it and I get it.
I love this post. And I think it’s exactly how life is…that things feel dull and blunted for so long and then all at once, new life and beauty invade. I like your blog, and I hope you’re well. 🙂
I’m so happy you stopped by! I still re-read chapters of your beautiful book whenever I need focus/calm/perspective/gratitude. I love your blog, too, as I love everything you write.
Glimpses are good. Really good. I love it when people (like the mother of the child in your daughter’s class) surprise me. I also love it when I surprise myself (like you appear to be doing).
I’m just glad I sort-of noticed. So often, I’m just going by rote and don’t even see the glimpses right in front of me. Maybe that’s the difference lately.